rain

i like to embarrass people with my sadness and add to the general glominess of the city sometimes. new york is one of the gloomier cities i've ever lived in or visited despite all the grandeur and "new york" this and that and its unique character and it being the new rome and all of that. don't get me wrong all of that is certainly true but at the end of the day, the people in the subway and the bus stops and the ones hanging around on the street, not to mention the ones sleeping at the steps of the churches make the city sad. amsterdam is the happiest city i've ever lived in and i'm not talking about the happy tourists that are tripping but the people in the tram and on their way to work and in the shops. somehow it rubs off on you.
new york on the other hand shares this with athens, a certain melancholy in the eyes of most people, even the ones with the suits and all the money. of course what it doesn't share with athens is the sense of potential and creativity that runs through it. because despite all the above it has a way of making you feel as if you're the one that built all the great immense buildings, as if you settled here at the beginning of time and are somehow part of this modern marvel, even though you've never lifted a finger to built anything, certainly not in new york.
i really should be studying right about now but the rain is just too intense. the wind is too intense and emotions and thoughts too. i feel like rain is about to burst out of my chest and flood my tiny apartment but nothing happens. somehow i ended up on blogger.